Here’s the down and dirty: since I’ve been working in restaurants for the past nearly two years, I’ve managed to pack on 30 pounds. 30 POUNDS, PEOPLE. And usually I’m the one who’s like, “honey, WEIGHT IS BUT A NUMBER! Work that ass!” but that was before I noticed a new and peculiar jello-shake feeling when doing basic movements. Like reaching. Or lifting. Or pretty much sitting still. Maybe it was because I finally filled out into a grown-up body, or maybe it was all the puff pastry and heavy cream usage… probably a combination of both, but honestly all the butter can’t be helping so I’ve got a plan. Maybe it’ll die with the rest of my resolutions in a couple weeks, but at least I haven’t sworn allegiance to a balance ball or Tae-Bo… the plan is simple: minimize the insane amounts of carbohydrates I eat and scrap the sugar. I used to have a sweet tooth like Willy Wonka but lately have been more interested in copious amounts of bread instead (might have to do with the fact that I work at a BAKERY?)… and, oh, god, this hurts to write…. the whiskey cokes aren’t helping either. I need… to cut back.
So since I’m feeling particularly accomplished today (having signed up for food waste recycling and addressed my Christmas thank you letters) I felt that I was prepared to Grocery Shop Like A Successful And Fit Woman Of 2011. Yeah, all caps official. I dropped $4.19 for six HEART HEALTHY OLIVE OIL HIGH FIBER WRAPS (whoa! Sounds like the ultimate solution!) to keep at work, Kashi cereal for the morning, and sugar-free/calorie-free/sodium-free flavored sparkling water… hope that’ll curb my insatiable love of all things high fructose corn syrup. And then I went to the Asian market and bought chopsticks and Sambal chili paste and baby bok choy and steamed noodles to console myself. Can I do it? I DUNNO! MY SELF CONTROL IS NOTORIOUSLY LOW! But let’s see, shall we?