By the way

25 Jul

In case you’ve been staring blankly at your U.S. map lately, stumped and scratching your head because TEXAS TOTALLY BAFFLES YOU… well, luckily for you the good old Dairy Delite back in Warren, PA has some insight.


Yes, Texas IS a meat sauce! I get that it’s redundant to say “Texas sauce is a meat sauce,” but I really couldn’t handle this sign… unfortunately the disgruntled elderly workers did not seem to share my enthusiasm for the wording. Against my better judgement I tried the Texas sauce (as ordered by C, slathered atop some floppy french fries and covered in a gluey melted provolone), and I was nonplussed.

Come to think of, actually I was pretty plussed (is that a thing people say?), since I don’t think ANYONE could try these things and not react strongly in one regard or another. Not to say I enjoyed it, but it did illicit my curiosity, if nothing else, as, upon further inspection, the meat sauce appeared to be a gelatinous pile of orange translucent… er…. stuff, with bits of ground beef no larger than grains of rice suspended inside the pile. It looked like an aspic gone psycho, and tasted like better-forgotten cafeteria fare of the early 90s. Despite all this, I definitely ate a solid 4 or 5 bites of the fry-cheese-gel (served appropriately in a paper boat, as there is no other vessel that would properly transport the creation without meat gel gravitating toward your lap). I’m honestly unsure why I kept eating it, but I suspect that it had something to do with a long-untapped childhood food memory of those coveted cafeteria lunches that my mom never let me buy in grade school (THANK YOU, MOM, I OWE YOU).

Anyhow, this is all just me procrastinating since I should be working on the food piece I’m writing for the Weekly about food trucks. I got the assignment today, and if I don’t totally blow it, will have my first food article EVER published in next week’s paper. Oh, and my photos, too. Score! I’ll post it once it’s done, assuming I don’t make a total ass out of myself and totally fuck up my tenses like you’ve probably noticed I already do on a VERY REGULAR BASIS. Also, no swearing. Also, no all caps, which is hard for me. How else will people know that I REALLY MEAN SOMETHING!? Oh, right, and probably no question mark/exclamation point combos. This is gonna be tricky.

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