Apple Pie… Not!

16 Oct

I tried so hard to share with you all my glorious apple pie that I made yesterday… but then my card reader was all, FUUUUUCK YOOOOU and I was like, “Really!?”

So instead I will tell you– it was the best pie I’ve ever made. Flaky crust, tall mounds of tender apples, totally un-runny… and I thoroughly enjoyed rolling the dough. Those little chunks of butter beneath my rolling pin, I swear to god, inspired hope in my life. But since I have no photos to share, I’ll just show you some photos I took of previous foods I’ve been known to adore.


Bloody mary shrimp cocktail shooter? YES PLEASE, ALL THE TIME.



Mussels? Well yes, they do wonderful things to my otherwise depressive state of mind.


Sugar-coated cranberries are beckoning to me for cocktails, or pies, tarts, or a sweet addition to a cheese and cracker plate. And the act of coating them in sugar is cathartic.


Hi, bananas! You are too sweet and spotted, warm and too tender by default. And I love you. Let me make you into banana bread? Fried bananas maybe? I’m gonna take yer tender little body and turn it into an adult. IN A NON-SEXUAL WAY, DUH.

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