Tag Archives: Chicken

Grilled Pineapple Will Win You Friends

30 Apr

Here’s the deal: last Sunday at 3:30 in the afternoon I was yelling across the house to C, UUUUGH I WANT GRILLED PINEAPPLE SO BAD. And then, like magic, 45 minutes later we were owners of a brand new grill. It’s nothing fancy- a charcoal grill that cost $70 that came in a plethora of parts, but after an hour of assembly (and a couple un-assemblies… whoops) we were setting up a marinade and prepping our fruits and veggies for the grill. I realize that millions of people in this world own grills, especially in the U.S., but regardless it felt like something of a milestone for us as Capable Human Adults. We assembled a functional, utilitarian item without insulting each other! We can now be outside and cook at the same time! The world is my oyster!



And since I was all hung up on pineapple, I figured I’d share with you the proper way to prep a pineapple for easy snacking and/or kebob-ing, depending on the size of chunk you decide you want. If you don’t already know how to do this… well, you need all the help you can get. But don’t worry! This is easy, and conquering an intimidating, spiny fruit will make you feel powerful. Powerful like a Capable Human Adult! Prepare for glory!

Step one: chop the ends off!


Step two: shave off the reptilian layer! But don’t take too much off- cut off thin slices one at a time.


Step three: Quarter the pineapple, then cut the hard inner rind off of each quarter.


Step four: chop it up! For snacking, slice up the pineapple slabs into thin slices. For kebabs, take each quarter and slice again lengthwise, then cut into large chunks that can slide onto skewers.


Step five: serve with grilled chicken, some mango-cilantro salsa, and prepare for plenty of ass-kissing to roll your way. Everybody on the planet loves grilled pineapple. Or at least, everyone on the planet that I’ve met. And they will say nice things to you and you’ll probably feel pretty good about that, like I did. So happy grilling!

The merits of food photography

14 Jul

I’m here on vacation with C in Pennsylvania, which essentially means that between swimming and boating trips I’m laying around looking like a burnt pork roast in shorts (and smelling like a sultry blend of SPF and sweat). While I’m recuperating from the heat I often flip through the daily newspaper and take special interest in the grocery ads… there’s something really fun about looking at other region’s food habits. Plus I like to torture myself with the constant comparison of prices- Pennsylvania food costs are a fraction of what I pay in Washington! But while perusing the ads this morning I found something somewhat disturbing…

Do you see what I see? I’ll give you a hint… it rhymes with “pickin’ chest”. That’s right- it’s the split chicken breast in the center of the page. Here’s a close up.

I’m distressed by this chicken plate. I guess they want me to slather it in paprika and black pepper, serve it on a bed of oily pasta, and accompany it with… shrimp? AND RASPBERRIES?! Well, I get that food photography sometimes calls for thinking outside the box for garnish and decor, but this is just depressing. I think if forced to sample this dish, it would be… dry. And… bizarre. And…. just, really, really dry. And really, really weird. I can’t even imagine the circumstances that led to this plate creation. Listen, I know I’m not a pro food photographer or anything, but photos like this make me seriously question those who manage to make money off this sort of thing. I don’t get it… are they tenured or something? Are there bribes involved? Lord only knows.


20 Aug

Starting this blog has thus far done exactly what I was hoping it would- encourage me to not just think about food all the time, but really engross myself in it (like in a swimming pool of spaghetti! Sounds enGROSSing! TERRIBLE WORDPLAY!!!). It hit me the other day how food-centric my world has become lately when I came home from working the line. Slinging breakfasts and sandwiches all day wasn’t enough for me, so I followed it up with reading foodgawker, listening to the Splendid Table podcast, and making shrimp and shiitake mushroom spring rolls:

I made the spring rolls for a going away potluck for my dear friend leaving for Japan, so for dinner I got all sorts of Asian-inspired dishes. She and all of her friends, incidentally, are incredible cooks, so I’m in favor of her staying in my town, but, oh well.

Then yesterday I found a giant stack of Gourmet magazines in the library’s free bin, so I totally ransacked that and found a recipe for chicken and rock shrimp with a tomato cream sauce. But I didn’t know what a rock shrimp was, so I bought fancy prawns from the co-op. For all I know they’re the exact same thing, and if I was any good at anything I’d look up the difference right now. But I’m already word vomiting all over this post as it is, so I’ll let it go.

C and I were cooking one of the first meals in his new house, so we didn’t have pepper WHICH BLEW because I’m a pepper fiend, but it was still damn tasty nonetheless. What could go wrong with prawns? Those freakish little undersea aliens are the best seafood as far as I’m concerned. Here’s a wildly subpar photo of the ready-to-eat goods:

And a fine pairing of $4 chardonnay, please.

Thanks for introducing me to Crane Lake via brown paper bag day drinking at the lake, Jeremiah! It has really launched me onto a whole new level of classiness.

After dinner C wooed me with an impressive stack of dinner specials he had created and cooked every weekend at his old kitchen job. SWOON.

Wow, I’m really photo happy right now. This post is balls out with photos! WHOOOOOAAAA!

So here’s another. We rode our bikes downtown for ice cream and got a serious hookup from C’s friend who was working, CHECK IT:

Yes, that’s C holding perhaps the greatest ice cream cone ever created. Number one important factor: it’s GOT to be a waffle cone. There’s no other way to do it. Other types of cones taste like those paper wafers at old school communion, and waffle cones taste like an angel got dipped in butter and served to me on a silver platter. And I do love angels. Tasty, tasty angles.

Anyhow, I got three flavors: mint Oreo, super dark chocolate, and cookies and chocolate. I know, it doesn’t sound all that special, mostly just like the chocolate monster came into town and barfed all over everything, but I swear it wasn’t like that at all!!! It was divine. And now all I can think about is ice cream. I wonder if his friend is working again tonight…?

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